Has sex felt like it has been causing you more problems than pleasure?
“My sexual behavior is feeling out of control!”
“I have been living a hidden life.”
“If my partner(s) knew I liked this, they’d for sure leave me.”
“I am just a [insert negative label]! This is why I have to hide this part of me.”
“My partner just doesn’t want it as much as me, so this way I'm not pressuring them."“Even though I know this is hurting my relationship, I just can’t stop.”
“It feels like I’m someone else, and nothing else matters, when I’m doing it.”
>> The sexual thoughts, feelings, and behaviors you have feel like they are “out of control” or are now “problematic” in your life, causing you, on the one hand, a thrilling excitement of eroticism, pleasure, and fun, but on the other forcing you to feel like you are living a second life; hidden away with shame from those you love, as they’d never understand if they really knew (or they'd be hurt if they did know).
>> Things have changed in your relationship(s) and the passion, frequency, and differences between you and your partner(s), sexually, feeling like they’ve drifted far a part from each other and it was just so much easier to take care of it yourself, by your own means; tired of the argument or misunderstandings when you did try. Though the sexual thoughts, behaviors, and feelings bring a source of sexual pleasure, you can’t help but feel a deep sense of guilt, shame, or hurt every time you do it, as you know it could hurt them if they knew of the betrayal.
>> Or you are spending too much time on these sexual behaviors and thoughts, sucking away time from obligations (work, family) or hobbies; zapping your energy to be fully present. All of this feeling like it is bringing you further and further into the “secret basement” of your “secret life,” cutting off the rest of the world.
You have the power to reclaim balance in your sexuality.
You no longer have to live this “second life,” feeling you have to hide yourself from your relationship(s). You can unlock the power of your sexual expressions within the healthy balance of the six principles of sexual health to create a sexual expression that brings you pleasure, connection, and openness with your partner(s). Having confidence in yourself that the ways you’re enjoying your sexual expression is no longer causing strain in your relationship(s), giving you guilt or shame afterward, or forcing you into a position to cover-up or lie about your sexuality. You can regain a sense of balance with your sexuality, no longer feeling it is causing you more problems in your life than the brief moments of pleasure.
Our sex positive therapists are passionate, and specialty-trained, to help you understand the meanings behind your sexual behaviors, thoughts, and feelings and to then help you discover a “sexual health plan” that feels aligned, and do-able, for you to bring your sexuality and its expression back to one of pleasure-fulfillment rather than a source of shame, secrecy, or hurt. Our therapists do not have a pre-determined diagnoses, agenda, or goals for you and will not tell you what specific behaviors are “addictive,” as they come from the lens of sexual behavior cannot be “addictive” (as in the chemical addiction sense), but rather they are a means to an end, not something that cannot ever be controlled because it is “a part of you.” You can regain control through working collaboratively with your therapist on understanding the “why” to the behavior(s) and then relearning how to get the same needs met in ways that do not bring you problems, cause hurt, or make you feel you need to live a second life.
Therapy for Compulsive Sexual Behavior can help you...
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Understand what sexual behavior(s) are typical/atypical and how they have become problematic for you;
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Begin to remove the secrecy and shame around your sexual behavior(s);
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Increase your understanding about the “why” of your sexual behavior(s);
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Increase the understanding of your patterns and begin to interrupt the patterns;
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Increase your understanding of the “Six Pillars of Sexual Health” to rebuild your sexual expressions to things that promote pleasure and intimacy, rather than feel like they take it away;
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Learn to embrace and accept your sexual attractions, preferences, and creativity and how to incorporate it within your life in a way that is balanced and not hurtful to yourself or your loved ones;
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Learn how to increase overall intimacy within your life.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What, exactly, is compulsive sexual behavior?
Q: How do you, and how long does it take to, treat compulsive sexual behavior?
Q: What causes compulsive sexual behavior?
Q: Is the treatment for compulsive sexual behavior covered by insurance?